Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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