I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize