I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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