babies were throwing up all over the place
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
