Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
