ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
