he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
