My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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