that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize