Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
