did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Panties = found
Randomize
