i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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