I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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