I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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