I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
