you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize