i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
