your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
