my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
