I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
