Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
