I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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