My first STD was from a foam party
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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