Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
