he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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