she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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