just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
