i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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