worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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