i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
