Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize