someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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