On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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