If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
