I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
