Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
