I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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