'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
