no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
