Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
