I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
