i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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