she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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