i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
