Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
