Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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