shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
