just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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