I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
