My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
