when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize