kristin has been a bad kristin
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
