Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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