Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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