I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
