I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
