Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
