the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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