Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
