He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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