If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
