Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
